MYSPACE

This is the big one. I can’t stand Myspace. Well, it’s not even Myspace I can’t stand, it’s the people on Myspace that I can’t stand. Funnily enough, I use Myspace, as it’s the only way to talk to any of my old friends, but the general Myspace public is just god awful. Firstly, people become completely different over Myspace. I mean, even so much as changing their name to something like “GOREFEST GEMMA” or “OWEN LIGHTNING” or something equally shit. Whilst this is laughable, it’s also pretty sickening as these people will then talk to you and can’t see what’s wrong with their alter ego.

Now, I’ve done a whole lot of work on this, about socially interacting online, and the dangers and such of it. I mean, some people actually PREFER to talk online than actually engaging themselves in social activities. Fair enough if you’re a self-conscious recluse, but these people have thousands of friends online. Surely they must know someone in the real world, right? And these kids actually refer to each other by their Myspace name, it’s really sad.

Also, let’s talk about photography. Obviously, it’s a common sight to see the “myspace photo”, in which the angle of the shot is elevated above the head, looking down, showing hair and a nose. I might as well take a picture of my mop and put it up. The thing is, these kids don’t even understand the meaning of their photography, they just do it because everyone else does. The shot looking down is demeaning, like the viewer is looking down on them. The use of black and white (which normally I adore in photography), in this case obviously shows the lack of “colour”, or their lack of personality. Heavily modifying the photograph shows a giant ego, and complete need of attention by making it appear as if they are self conscious. I know, it’s a crazy idea. But it’s true. If you’re truly self conscious, you do not put a fucking photograph of yourself on a website with millions of people on. You just don’t.

HEALTHY LIVING

Recently, healthy living has become a major craze in the UK (and no doubt in other countries too). The government’s “recommended daily amount” statistics are popping up on food items and such, “warning” us of too much sugar in a day or something. So by going over the recommended daily amounts, what would happen? Would I die? Would I explode? Not really. Sure, if I did everyday for maybea year or so I might notice something. But initially, they’re just a ploy to make us feel guilty for stuffing our faces. Which is healthy anyway. It’s better than being stick thin, right? This seems to be Britain’s perspective of “healthy”. I’d like to meet someone like this who was healthy. Or mentally stable.

Also, a large number of “fitness” DVDs are available, with ex-celebrities and false celebrities (celebrities that have no talents, and are famous through someone else. See any footballer’s wife or girlfriend. Some of them are even getting their own shows on television) exercising along with some professional fitness trainer. Why does this appeal to someone? What is appealing about someone who shouldn’t be cared about jumping up and down on the spot, when we could and SHOULD just go outside and do it for free? Why sit in the confides of the living room, which has CAUSED us to be unhealthy anyway, jumping up and down until we get worn out and watch television instead? It’s terrible.

QUIZ SHOWS

What is it with people’s obsession with watching random strangers they’ll never meet win money? I really don’t understand this. I mean, shows with questions, sure. A bit of family time around the television screaming the answers until they turn out to be wrong. But still, when the player loses we feel sorry for them. In England there’s a show called Deal or no Deal, in which a group of 23 people with boxes gather round and the player selects the boxes which each contain a cash amount. Then after a few boxes a banker phones and offers them a deal for the box THEY carry, trying to work out which cash sum they have. It’s all completely random, so there’s no strategy involved at all. Yet the players seem to think there is. And it’s hosted by Noel Edmonds. Anyway, there’s no questions, just pure luck. And yet millions of people watch it. Just to see some person in a chair that they’ve never seen before and will never see again win money. And they feel sorry for them if they get a bad amount and cheer and clap if they get a good amount. It’s stupid. And yet big TV honchos sitting in leather chairs smoking cigars think this is a good idea, and are constantly seeking other shows like it. And the public lap this up. Great.

SUPERSTITIONS

Old wives tales. You’ve all heard them. You know, “breaking a mirror will bring 7 years bad luck”, that sort of bollocks. Why does anyone believe them? I mean, fair enough you’re entitled to your beliefs, but so am I. And I firmly believe they’re a load of shit. I had a look at the Superstition Database, and bloody hell are there a lot. Here’s some examples:

• Rats leaving a ship means the ship will sink (no, it means noone will get diseased).
• It’s unlucky to wash a baby’s head for the first 12 months (no, it’s fucking hygienic).
• Dropping scissors means your lover is unfaithful (no, it means you have a trip to the hospital due since you’ve just cut off your fucking toe).
• Tying a knot in your handkerchief wards off evil (so having a knotted handkerchief stops you being mugged. Noted).
• If you give someone a new purse, place a coin inside it as otherwise that person will never be blessed with riches (so that’s MORE money, great)

And so on and so forth. I really don’t understand how the powers of A NEW PURSE can affect income so much. Then again, I’m not an old wife so I guess I’ll never be able to understand.

TEENAGE PARENTS

So, you’re 15. Out and having a ball. Shagging any bugger in sight. You don’t care, you’re only 15, what’s the worst that can happen? It gets a bit itchy down there? When suddenly, you’re pregnant and become a mother. Now, I want to make this clear, I’m not talking about EVERY teenage parent out there, I’m sure there are some legitimate reasons. I’m talking about those with complete disregard for safe sex and their whole life revolves around sex and getting drunk. I know a few people like this. Anyway, yes, they’re 15, just leaving secondary school and wham, the responsibilities of a parent are dropped on them like a huge, screaming, smelly bomb. How can they handle it? Fact is; they can’t. The new babies grandmother (aged 40) tends to be stuck with the baby whilst the mother carries on getting drunk and pregnant. And I hate the way the Government pities them. “Poor, poor teenage mother. We’ll help you out,” and they’re given free food and baby supplies and toilet paper. But they have no need for toilet paper, they’re using large sums of tax payers money to wipe their arses with. And of course, the father is never seen again. The mother can’t even remember his name. Pathetic. Their babies are more mature than them.

PUBERTY

Who was the genius who came up with the idea of puberty? When God or whoever was creating the man, with his cronies all around Him, heckling and giving suggestions, who was the bright spark who said: “Oh, here’s an idea Lord, why not make him fully develop ONLY just as he’s at the age where he starts to grow up? Life will be confusing for the stupid bastard at that age, with girls, sex, single mother and shit, let’s make it worse!”. And so there was thunderous applause, and man was royally fucked up. Then when God decided to create a woman, she too was fucked up. And He made it that at the same time puberty hits, girls and boys want to get together and have sex; stubbly cocks, bleeding bits, spots and squeaky voices all in tact. Why?